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Bonus Request Topic/Quest Turn-in Topic

Two Wrongs
Quest or Personal Storyline: Storyline
Participating characters (please list): Ricter
Total character count including spaces: 113,814 Characters
Total word count: 21,665 Words
Note: Minor inappropriate behavior (should have a mature tag)

Friendly Neighborhood Werewolf here to point out I edited the thread to make it mature.
Ricter CasengerPurchases LogATK: 1 • DEF: 7 • SPD: 3 • TEC: 3

Under The Cheerful Town
Quest or Personal Storyline: Storyline
Participating characters (please list): Ricter
Total character count including spaces: 296,146 Characters
Total word count: 56,344 Words
Notes: Mature themes
Ricter CasengerPurchases LogATK: 1 • DEF: 7 • SPD: 3 • TEC: 3

Hawt Damn
Quest or Personal Storyline:
Personal Storyline
Participating characters (please list):
Total character count including spaces:
63,192 characters
Total word count:
11,652 words
[Image: tumblr_maolcpnQS61qakj1do1_500.gif]

Warning: Anything that involves Ash should be rated M. Possibly higher.

Erik Vrell: Ash has a 'love' fourth dimensional shape//As in its wide and unfathomable for us mere mortals

Centurion/Venom: Look, Lassie, you and your overrated succubus are gonna get stomped so hard Ash's morality is gonna mirror back again.

On phone. Will grade both Ricter's Threads.

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"Centurion: I'll leave you to your work then Dust. Thanks for chatting!
Me: no problem. stay awesome!
Centurion: It's more of a passive ability"

Topic:  https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php...8#pid55488

For this sequence of posts I award… GREAT +50%

First off, I want to say it’s amazing how far you’ve come since this first post. You’ve been putting out great writing of late, so take the following critique with a grain of salt.

Mechanics:  For the majority of the posts, up until the two year time gap, you consistently struggled with sentence and paragraph structure. Ignoring the formatting errors, which I was told was just from transferring the story over from a different site, there were several instances of improper thought and speech placement. That coupled with a large amount of paragraphs filled with short sentences made the beginning hard to read at times.

Plot/Pacing:  Excellently done. It was clear from the beginning you had a plan and knew what you wanted to accomplish, and kept up a solid pace to keep the readed going. In addition, the section where Ori was pulled into the graveyardverse truly kept me guessing. I could feel the people’s panic over her strange disappearance and, seeing as I wasn’t around during that particular event, it left me wondering what had happened.

Characterization:  This one, I’m not too keen on. While I could see what the individual’s personalities were as well as their motives, it often felt forced. The biggest instance of this was Zabajin’s meeting with The Seer. Aside from Ori being a prize, I truly saw no reason that he would have been this upset over her disappearance, especially after months/years had already gone by.

Aesthetic/Creativity:  Once more, Excellently done. Even in the earliest of the posts, you were great in your description. Not too much, far from too little. You were able to pull me into the camp, into Ori’s shoes with relative ease several times over.

Final Comments:  Even before the two year break on this thread, I could see your writing improving with each post. After the skip… Well, it was significant. Of the things that improved, most impressive was your grasp of sentence structure. However, your paragraph structure, namely when dealing with thoughts and speech, could still use a bit of work.

Overall, your plot and storytelling were your strongest features during this thread, pulling me along and keeping me chasing the next scene. To put it simply (staff), the story was enough to let me overlook most of the errors made, thus earning you your bonus.

Excellent work. I’m looking forward to your continued growth and future stories.

Edit: Awarded!!! -Dust
In battle it is important to keep a sharp blade

But it is by far more important to keep a sharp mind.

Link to topics:

Must read: Desman's paying to understand what's going on in the NPC Thread with Damas, Para, Ashelin and Sig.

Quest or Personal Storyline? Storyline
Participating characters (please list): Jak Mar, Rick (He's MIA), NPCs Sig, Ashelin and Damas.
Total character count including spaces (excluding bbcode, images, etcetera. Please do separately for each member if applicable)9706
Total word count (excluding bbcode, images, etcetera. Please do separately for each member if applicable)1839
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[Image: Darkdata.png]Jak/Mar- Dynamite Kid/ DA 2018" (Translated text)[Image: hVDTXBF.gif](Thanks Ezzy!)

The Infamous Dynamite Kid- Sasuke

DA 15
DA 16'
DA 17'
DA 18' 

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie
Quest or Personal Storyline?
Participating characters (please list):
Little Rose
Total character count including spaces
22,196 characters
Little Rose
27,813 characters
Total word count
3,922 words
Little Rose
4,968 words
ATTENTION: Lilith and Evan are
manifestations of Rose's broken
mind, please do not respond to
them unless you have Telepathy.

Base Stats:
Atk 4
Def 5
Spd 1
Tec 0
[Image: 6EAE58367061BD66264BC0B456C8D7BD3F2D9658]

(12-09-2018, 05:51 AM)Ash Wrote: Hawt Damn
Quest or Personal Storyline: 
Personal Storyline
Participating characters (please list): 
Total character count including spaces: 
63,192 characters
Total word count: 
11,652 words
This story was great all around. You have some technical and voice aspects of the writing that need some tweaking, but as far as storytelling goes, this was a great read. 

Bonus: Great
OM Earned: 631.92

Be careful not to be repetitive, because I felt like at points you said the same thing over again, just in different ways. The dragon thing was awesome! Although I got a little lost on how we got here? It’s kind of left on the reader to assume that, perhaps Karl jak’s teleporters malfunctioned, and that’s how you got dropped in some random cave, but a little more clarity would have helped this scene. With that said, this scene was great and I appreciated how we got into action right away.

Make sure to look out for technical errors like, using ‘tiers’ instead of ‘tears’ and using ‘lesson’ instead of ‘lesion’, because spell check won’t catch this, so it’s on you in the proofreading.
I think you did a really good job describing the dragon, and I think you made this encounter with the dragon interesting, just look out in technical.

I like the story and conflict with the dragon monster and you had the reader on the edge of their seat waiting to see what happens next. My only critique here is you tend to get repetitive. Trust in your ability to express something and your reader to comprehend it, because less is more. There’s an old adage, “Anything you can cut, you should cut.”

When it comes to sex appeal, sometimes, less is more. It helps if its used as a nice subtle element to the story, not a focus, or an integral part of the story.  

I loved the use of the word “fixity” I think it was well placed and it made your story more enjoyable for me to read. Scores well in voice.

I personally loved that you talked about how Gold is useless to primes on the Omniverse. I feel like most of the primes in the Omniverse feel that way, and don’t really point that out. The fact that you did so here with the dragon’s gold was really relatable and I enjoyed that.

I particularly liked the nightmare scene in the first few paragraphs, it was very enjoyable to read.
Dante's Abyss 2015
[Image: Sasuke_DA_zpsb4vizgxd.png]       
Mark Twain Wrote:"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug."

Participating characters (please list):
Orihime Inoue 2518 words/14054 characters
Haseo 1636 words/8472 characters
Alexander Blakesley 4252 words/24609 characters
Total character count including spaces (excluding bbcode, images, etcetera. Please do separately for each member if applicable)
Total word count (excluding bbcode, images, etcetera. Please do separately for each member if applicable)

Seeing as how Ori and Haseo have gone, leaving me effectively stranded, I'm gonna cash this in.
In the end, there will be no one left.
We are no longer innocent.
We are lost from this world.
From home.
We no longer believe in such things.
We only believe in war.

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[Image: EQ2Md1h.jpg]
Please message me before you attack my character or assault my base! Thanks!

Link to topic https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10896
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal
Participating characters (please list): Marisa Kirisame
Total character count including spaces: 18,391 Characters
Total word count 3442 words
Feedback would be appreciated as well.
                                            [Image: tenor.gif?itemid=10243242]
"While shooting concentrate your mind, gently muttering the spell to the Mini-Hakkero. Aiming at someone you don't like, a magicannon of love will be unleashed!"

Quest or Personal Storyline: Storyline
Link: https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10967
Participating characters (please list): Tyson
Total character count including spaces: 22,518 Characters
Total word count: 4,111 Words

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