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[NPC] Rotty's FRESH Coffee Shop Blog

Hey! Rottytops here! Chewing my way through the Dataverse to bring the final word on the Omniverse's finest cups of Joe! Are they fresh, or are they rotten like my brains! Strap yourselves in, I've got some words to throw at ya!


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Including this image was important!

So far as I could understand, I was in this city called the "Pale Moors." That is the best name for a city I've ever heard!

I found this coffee shop called "Chocolique!" It was the first place that didn't run me out with pitchforks! Hehehe, just kidding! They didn't have pitchforks.

Anyways, I stumble into this place and the first thing that caught my eye was the decor!
Well, actually, the first thing that caught my eye was the menu. Brain craving was setting in, I needed my cup FAST! But the decor was the first thing I noticed after getting my fix!

Well, okay, that's a lie! The first thing after was how hot the staff was! The waitress couldn't give Shantae a run for her money, but she was pretty dang close! And don't get me started on the guy that handles the cream, oh my god! I hit on them both obviously. My pick up lines must be out of date, the waitress was almost disgusted when I told her what type of beans I'd have with her kidneys. Did she think I was serious? If it wasn't a joke, I wouldn't be getting coffee! Then again, some people are sadly not woke.

You heard that word I used a second ago? ''Woke?" I just learned that just now! In fact, I just learned about the Dataverse and the Omniverse like an hour ago. This... thing, this Dataverse, it's like I was born to use it...

BTW, the cream guy was more receptive to my come ons. After blowing it with the waitress, I just simplified things by saying I'd eat him, followed by a knowing wink. He really liked that, even gave me his number! Victory! I'll have to add that to my collection of numbers I never call!

Oh right, the decor! Yes, I did notice that! It was very woody! Yeah, woody is the right word for it! So much stuff made of wood.

There were also bigger dataverse devices that I think were showing youtube videos, but they didn't seem to show anything important.

Anyways, I got my coffee, so Chocolique gets 4 out of 5 stars from me!

Thank you all for supporting my last post! It's because of you, I can keep this blog running! Well, actually, it's mostly because of the gigs I've been doing to make money, but your support gives me something adjacent to life! Because of that, I'm gonna keep going!
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Just keeping to the theme!

I only really need my coffee once per day, but I'm new to town, so I really want to try out as many places as I can! The general populace went from hating my guts to ignoring I exist, which is honestly the best kind of anti-zombie prejudice!

Because of this, I was able to go to this next place with very few complaints! It was a tiny mom and pop coffee shop called "Salem Brewsters." It was run by this elderly couple who were honestly not that hot. I would not eat their brains if they offered, sorry! Also, they fought a lot. Also, I think the husband was cheating with one of the waitresses? I didn't get the full story!

The decor was very woody! All coffee places have like, wood and stuff, I don't get it! Why not like, stone or, bone or... scone? I don't know, just something different!

However, I was surprised because I think it was entirely staffed by witches? They fixed my joe using the wands, it was quite a show! Sadly, they got my order wrong as I didn't ask to have one of them spit in my drink. It was quite or presumptuous of them! Still tasted good though! I think she was chewing on peppermint gum earlier, it really added to the flavor!

Anyways, I give a 2 out of 5 on my rotten scale!
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Yeah, so like, I'm in a bit of a pickle!

I went to croissant to meet a friend. She's living in this big mansion now! So I like, snuck in and I decided to surprise her by hiding somewhere for her to find me. You know, the sensible thing to do!

But the thing is I hid in this bedroom and some sort of security lockdown thing happened and now I'm stuck here! Thankfully, there's a coffee maker in the room so there's no reason to panic or anything! I give the coffee 9/10 btw!

I'm surprised the mansion AI hasn't told anyone I was in here! Must be something wrong with it. So yeah! I'm trapped here now! I've been hoping the owner of this room will find me, but this Jarvis guy is taking his sweet time!

So that's why I'm calling you guys for help! I'm in the Justice Friends mansion on Pier 5 of Croissant! Please tell them I'm here and trapped! Thank you!
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It's the second day trapped in this room. Had my coffee again! I give it 8/10!

I slept in his bed. Cozy stuff! Good place to spread out my limbs and watch some youtube videos! I spend much of the day watching youtube videos! I believe I spent about an hour or so on coffee videos (BULBASAUR'S BEAN REVIEWS SUCKS! GOOD COFFEE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO COME THROUGH A MANKEY'S ASS!) Oh! And I saw what other zombies were up to. A lot brain cooking videos. I had to get another serving of coffee after seeing too many of those!

Oh yeah, I spent about 5 minutes looking up a video about picking locks. No dice!

I went on the message board for a while, but then I found that image of Shantae in a bikini and then I was done with Dataverse for a few hours! Good thing the room was stocked with spare bedsheets!

I decided to go through the guy's closet. Not really my style! Not a tank top or bra and in sight! It's such a shame, I wanted to keep a memento of this place, but he's got nothing sexy! Nothing skin tight at all! Maybe my original assertion that he was a lady's man was wrong? Nah! Can't be!

I felt a little appreciative of him for unwillingly lending me his room, so I left a pair of my undies in one of his coat pockets! I hope he enjoys those! Hehehe, who am I kidding of course he will!

Though, do kind of miss being out of this room though. I wondering why none of my readers have come to my rescue? How hard it is to find the the Super Friends mansion in Camelot?

Oh, btw, I almost accidentally flushed one of my eyes down the toilet.
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Heeeeeeyyyy!!! It's Rotty! Still stuck in the rooom! When are you guys gonna get me out? I mean, I know I've been giving the wrong address on purpose and all, but it can't be that hard to figure out where I am! Come on guys don't be boring! Play along, and save me! Especially a hot guy! Or a hot girl! I'm not picky!

( In fact, if you want to do me a HUGE favor, point Shantae or Simon in the direction of this thread. Ooh, either of them saving me would be so totally NICE! ;) )

I had the coffee again! 7/10! It's just getting better and better! What does this guy put in the stuff? Color me impressed! He also has some high quality creamer! Direct from Ambrosia! Whatever that is...

Oh... So it's a city of some sort? I wonder if there are a lot of zombies there! Oh wow! Soul substitute in a can? What does a soul even taste like? is it a good substitute for brains? I'll need to try that!

As for what I did today... ummm... It's blur really. Is three days too soon go to a little crazy? I'm already forgetting things. I feel like, I've forgotten something big lately, something that I kind of miss... Huh, what's this weird sense of longing? It's probably nothing!

I did some laundry today. Not my laundry. I felt so thankful for what non-consensually did for me, and I felt obligated to clean his clothes! He had a hand washer in the room even! Sadly, I might have accidentally intentionally left something red in there (one of Shantae's bra tops) so his white are now all pink. Sorry Jarvis man! I'm sure you look great in in Pink!

I watched some more videos. Tried yoga. Don't get why everyone says it's so hard! I could easily put my leg behind my head! Then again, helps that I could detach it...

Oh yeah, I realized something. There's a lunch slot thing for like when meals are delivered. I could easily put my head in there and escape that way.

...Okay, I discovered that on day one, but I was kind of hoping for a rescue, you know? Guys, PLEASE! Please rescue me so I don't have to do the boring unsexy thing and save myself!
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Hey there fans.

If there were ever any fans.

I mean, Simon was reading my blog but heck if I've heard from him.

The coffee gets a 6/10. Still pretty good, just getting tired of the same one everyday. But I got to drink it or I'll go feral!

Yeah, being a zombie sucks. Well, okay, it kind of rules in someways. Like I coulda escaped at any moment by popping my head in the lunch hole thingy, I just haven't yet. I don't know what i'm holding out for. But it sucks because ya got to drink coffee all the time, people fear ya.

Shantae was the only person that treated me all nice like. I've always appreciated her for that, yet I always screw things up. That's just me I guess, Rotty the natural screw up.

I never got to tell her how I felt. I may never will. I'm just a coward aren't I? That's just how it is I guess.

I can't, help get the feeling I'm missing something. It's something important, I just know it! It's something I left behind when I came to the Omniverse. Ohhh, it's somewhere in my rotten brain, but I can't bring it out now matter how many hours I try.

I'm so hungry.

Sorry, I'm getting all depressin on you.

I watched more youtube videos. I found this one video about, zombies talking about their problems. At first, it gave me hope ya know? But then i realized when have I ever talked about my problems.

Ugh, I'm getting depressin again. Something positive, something positive...

Uh, this bed. Oh! maybe it's funny, I was sleeping, and when I woke up the bed had a huge hole in it! I dunno how it happened. Normal night before, suddenly a hole! Feathers were all over the place! The weird thing was my phone was in my hand when I woke up. Was I sleep texting while sleep destroying? That's weird.

I had a weird dream last night. Shantae was, carrying me out of the haunted forests. I faked an injury and she was trying to save me. She's cute! Hehe. I forgot how fun it was to be carried around like that!

It's so weird though, I don't remember how the dream ended. We got to my house and, yeah, I don't remember it's weird.

I may just, escape the room if this goes on any longer. But, what's even there for me out there? I mean, I might run into Shantae but I'll just be the screw up as I always am. I'll just make things harder for her somehow. That's always how it's been.

I'm getting sleepy again. I probably need more coffee. Or maybe I need out of this room. I don't know anymore, I don't care.

Please send help to croissant, justice whatever who cares.

If I escape, I'll return to normal coffee reviews.
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Well, I'm out now. Not sure where I am at the moment.

I stopped by what looked like a lounge area. They had coffee. It was nice to have something other than the fancy stuff I've been having for days! Sorry again Jarvis guy for the room!

Oh yeah, and I got some food! Gator steak, right in the fridge! I guess I do have a guardian angel. Or a guardian genie! heheehehe

It sounds like there's someone in the mansion somewhere, I hear a lot of talking. Dunno if I should go check it out or not. They may not appreciate me being here. Also, some of them sound angry. I wonder if Shantae got in a fight again. Always such goodie goodie! Whipping that hair around at the first villain that threatens the world!

Oh yeah, the new coffee is 5 out of 5! Good schtuff! The bag only says "Moon Knight's Premium Blend" written on the bag with a sharpie. I guess that's the name of the brand? I dunno. It was pretty good though!

Anyways, thanks for reading!
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