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Bonus Request Topic/Quest Turn-in Topic

Link to topic: http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?...#pid136759
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal
Participating characters (please list): Tyson Renegade
Total character count including spaces: 56,080
Total word count: 10,090 words (Yes, Out of all of the Rpgs.....I accomplished a goal of 10k)
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(06-21-2018, 02:07 PM)Eleanor Lamb Wrote: Chaotic Neutral

Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal Storyline

Participating characters: Eleanor Lamb

Total character count including spaces: 30,810

Total word count: 5,268


Dibs!

(06-21-2018, 09:02 AM)Centurion Wrote: BETWEEN WALLS OF STEEL|

Group Storyline

Participants: Dust, Centurion, Moon Knight, Angel Fisher, Koal, The Vision, Marcus Wright, Homin Ratione

Total Words:
Dust- 7,592
Centurion- 12,801
Moon Knight- 6,450
Angel Fisher- 1,487
Koal- 2,097
The Vision- 1,527
Marcus Wright- 3,659
Homin Ratione- 1,061

Total Characters (Spaces Included)
Dust- 41,213

Centurion- 73,130
Moon Knight- 35,350
Angel Fisher- 7,975
Koal- 11,540
The Vision- 8,961
Marcus Wright- 17,058
Homin Ratione- 6,136

I am also handling this, but it may take a little while
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I don't know if this ever got submitted so if it has ignore me, but wanted to check in and see if a participation bonus was possible for me & Proto Man in "A Home for Heroes," which I just posted a closing post to in the Dunes. 

A Home for Heroes
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal Storyline (ignore where it says we're starting a quest)
Participating characters (please list): Mickey Mouse, Proto Man
Total character count including spaces: Mickey Mouse - 54,873 with spaces (according to Google Docs); Proto Man - 62,366 with spaces (according to Google Docs)
Total word count: Mickey Mouse - 9,603 according to Google Docs; Proto Man - 11,068 according to Google Docs
[Image: 2agonyw.png]
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Submitting Trixie and Seventeen's Quest "A Day in the Life" for grading (previously was approved to finish, now submitting for bonus OMs)

Link -> http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=9723
Quest or Personal Storyline? Quest (A Day in the Life)

Participating characters and counts:
Seventeen (11264 words / 65255 CwS)
Trixie (13677 words / 65426 CwS)
[Image: 17.jpg]
Reply

I award the Participation bonus to all participants
I award the EXCEPTIONAL Bonus to this thread.
Trixie OM Earned - 1635.65
Android 17 OM Earned - 1631.37




Overall: What an amazing quest. You two write amazingly together, and effortlessly weave plot and description together. Getting Trixie and 17 into formal wear and a formal situation was priceless, and you both wrote it extremely well. The battle was one of the most epic I have seen in the OV. The bounds of the quest were constricting, but you two made in unique and memorable.

TRIXIE

Mechanics: Immaculate

Plot/Pacing:
You effortlessly tied in Trixie’s previous plot and characters into this story, and her future plot as well. It was clearly very well thought-out. Your pacing is slower than 17’s, leaning kind of slow in general, but it is absolutely necessary for your style. Overall it was a beautful way to weave Trixie’s plot. The flashback as a story was perfect.

Characterization: In this thread we get to see an important side of Trixie. We get to see both why she is who she is, as well as a glimpse behind the mask. We get to see her struggle about her allegiance, are kind of led towards a hope of her breaking free from her chains, but in the end the chains only grow heavier. You really brought Nova and Aisha to life and got the reader invested in them. And the Diablo posts are AMAZING.

Aesthetic/Creativity: Gliding back and forth between the formal setting and the action seemed very natural. The vibe was great, especially when Nova and Trixie are together. The fight with the tank was truly epic, and honestly the entire fight was out of this world.

Style: You used a ‘novel-style’ writing that I personally find very difficult. You did not shy away from expressing character’s feelings and inner thoughts, refusing to let the thread read like a movie and instead read like a book. This style of writing has a high ceiling, but you take that risk and make it work. I also like how well you keep track of your characters, their motivations and feelings.


ANDROID 17

Mechanics: Almost immaculate, with minor errors that anyone could make.

Plot/Pacing:
Your pacing is fluid, like you zoom into some situations and zoom out of others. I think it works sometimes, like in the militarized battle posts when you zoom in to minute combat details, but I would have liked to see that kind of stuff in the pre-battle as well (outfit selection excluded).

Characterization: You handled the NPCs amazingly. 17 is one of the most readable characters I’ve ever read. His casual writing style and take-no-bullshit attitude make him a harsh edge in the posh social scene. The action was likewise filtered through his character, from his concern over the NPCs to the military-style analysis.

Aesthetic/Creativity: This is where you shined the most I think. The aesthetic is hard to pin down, but android-17 fits so naturally into the military/sci-fi/war drama.

Style:
You used a style that can only be described as ‘casual’ and you did it very well. You let your characters attitude filter the narration in a very satisfying and readable way. Despite having such a encouraging style, you still manage to pack in action and drama and character development, and none of it seems forced or contrived.


Writing Chemistry - Off the charts, and the final tipping point towards why the thread received an EXCEPTIONAL bonus. Your writing styles compliment each other perfectly, PERFECTLY I say, and even with wildly different styles and NPCs zooming around, you both manage to keep the story on pace and advancing logically from the posts before it.

Tips:
Was going to do this section for each of you, but I have the same advice; consider leaving more things on the cutting room floor. There are LOTS of reasons to write about a ‘thing’; it pushes the plot forward, it gets you invested in the characters, maybe it’s just something cool. The best ‘things’ do all this at once. When 17 saves nova from the fire, he is doing all these things at once. When Trixie fights Praxida, it does this. The thread was a little bulky overall.




----Wyatt Edit---
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(06-21-2018, 09:02 AM)Centurion Wrote: BETWEEN WALLS OF STEEL|

Group Storyline

Participants: Dust, Centurion, Moon Knight, Angel Fisher, Koal, The Vision, Marcus Wright, Homin Ratione

Total Words:
Dust- 7,592
Centurion- 12,801
Moon Knight- 6,450
Angel Fisher- 1,487
Koal- 2,097
The Vision- 1,527
Marcus Wright- 3,659
Homin Ratione- 1,061

Total Characters (Spaces Included)
Dust- 41,213

Centurion- 73,130
Moon Knight- 35,350
Angel Fisher- 7,975
Koal- 11,540
The Vision- 8,961
Marcus Wright- 17,058
Homin Ratione- 6,136

I award the Participation Bonus to all participants.
I award this thread the GREAT bonus to all eligible participants.

Dust OM Earned - 884.26
Centurion OM Earned - 1462.6
Moon Knight OM Earned - 707
Angel Fisher OM Earned - 79.75
Koal OM Earned - 115.40
The Vision OM Earned - 89.61
Marcus Wright OM Earned - 170.58
Homin Ratione OM Earned - 61.36



First off, quick shout out to those who did not hit the 4k mark to be considered for a bonus. You all made the thread extra awesome in your own way. Super special shout out to Marcus Wright, who almost hit 4k. Unfortunately I cannot award a bonus to a thread you have written less than 4k words, but I did review your posts.

Overall: What a dope thread. You guys really did something special here. The way that you all worked together to tell this story so well, effortlessly juggling characters and scenes, it was amazing. Clearly there was a great deal of love and tender care for this thread. It was gritty, realistic, yet still kept the super-hero type aesthetics we’ve come to expect from the avengers. Your intake, your time served, your release were all realistic. You guys took what is normally a very ‘boring’ setting and made it pop. Congratulations.

A tip regarding the overall thread; gosh that sure was a lot of torture. Perhaps next time, a liiiittle less torture.


Marcus Wright - This was Marcus’ best thread that I have seen. Marcus and Blair were in their element, a hostile prison with plenty of time for gritty character reflection and development. He makes his role as the Toughest Avenger come through loud and clear. Marcus is awesome, not because he can punch stuff good, but because of his deep character and relationships. Even during the fight, you made the story more about character development than action. Truly Marcus’s story is not of a robot who joined a superhero team, it is the story of a man struggling to do right by the world, and that’s pretty cool.

Centurion: You poured your heart into this thread, shaping much of the plot, but much more importantly shaping Cade. This thread was infinitely more interesting to me than getting to know cade from his fight thread, although post #10 was badass through and through, likewise the fight with the darktrooper. You didn’t make his character development the focus, but we learned so much about him just through his actions and his reactions. While I miss the star-spangled boy scout, Cade is an infinitely more interesting character, and I like to read about him. Even his flashback was dope, and I hate flashbacks. You handled both the PCs and NPCs well.

My best advice is to be more proactive with your character. Currently he acts more reactive than proactive to his situation, which is fair because he was literally in jail.

I have to mention the colored text however. The REAL issue I have with colored text, beyond it being hard for me to read orange font over a soft white background, is that it is an actual literary crutch. It might not matter in comic books where characters have speech bubbles, but it matters in writing. If you use color to distinguish your character’s dialogue, which you did, to me it’s a crutch. Because if you took out the color it wouldn’t read correctly. Use qualifiers like ‘cade said.’ because it really is a necessary part of grammar. If you did that as well as the colored text, it wouldn’t matter so much to me.


Dust: Beautiful. Dust made this thread so ‘pretty’. Not aesthetically, but rather brought everything to life with such poetic descriptions. Everything flowed so well, it was really written beautifully. Dust’s flirtations with Angel were so engaging, and followed the rule of ‘show don’t tell’ when it comes to describing characters. His interrogation was the perfect way to get a reader caught up on his plot, and bonus points for acknowledging DA as an important IC event. Really though, your rich descriptions and character interactions were the most interesting part of your contribution to the thread.

I don’t really have any tips for you, other than I noticed a few spelling and grammar mistakes which can be a bit distracting.



Moon Knight -
Great job herding this cats into a comprehensive and interesting story. Nobody was able to juggle characters and progress the plot as well as you did, and you acted as a kind of DM for the whole thread. Through this all, you managed to show MK as the gritty jaded hero he is. A little Batman, a little Rorshark, but instilled with that shining Marvel spirit that makes him a character we can actually root for. I like his first and last posts the best, and his fight scene was good but not where you shined the most. You shined mostly through plot advancement and inner character reflection.

We also got a lot of flashbacks from MK, which I don’t really like usually. You made them work, and we got to learn more of MK, and I think it was important for the Avengers to share their backstories in this thread, but I think you went a little heavy on yours.


Reflections on the Thread - It was awesome to see you guys all come together to create this. I think it showed a lot of patience on all of your parts to write this, but I think it will very much pay off as your writing team becomes closer for it, and gets to understand each other’s characters on a deeper level.

KEEP IT UP!

EDIT: reVision
President of the Westside Knife Ear Warriors

[Image: V4Dvvfy.gif]

Westside: Join or Die



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(06-21-2018, 11:34 PM)Tyson Renegade Wrote: Link to topic: http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?...#pid136759
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal
Participating characters (please list): Tyson Renegade
Total character count including spaces: 56,080
Total word count: 10,090 words (Yes, Out of all of the Rpgs.....I accomplished a goal of 10k)

I'll get to it this weekend

(06-27-2018, 02:22 PM)Mickey Mouse Wrote: I don't know if this ever got submitted so if it has ignore me, but wanted to check in and see if a participation bonus was possible for me & Proto Man in "A Home for Heroes," which I just posted a closing post to in the Dunes. 

A Home for Heroes
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal Storyline (ignore where it says we're starting a quest)
Participating characters (please list): Mickey Mouse, Proto Man
Total character count including spaces: Mickey Mouse - 54,873 with spaces (according to Google Docs); Proto Man - 62,366 with spaces (according to Google Docs)
Total word count: Mickey Mouse - 9,603 according to Google Docs; Proto Man - 11,068 according to Google Docs

You are not forgotten little mouse, just getting backed up. It is our own fault.
Reply

(06-21-2018, 11:34 PM)Tyson Renegade Wrote: Link to topic: http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?...#pid136759
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal
Participating characters (please list): Tyson Renegade
Total character count including spaces: 56,080
Total word count: 10,090 words (Yes, Out of all of the Rpgs.....I accomplished a goal of 10k)

I award this thread the GREAT Bonus.
Due to multiple grammatical issues I award this thread a total bonus of %25
Tyson Renegade OM earned - 280.4


You have been writing much better in a lot of ways.

Your grammar has gotten much better, and I think you are starting to feel more comfortable in your writing. You are giving history and motivation to your characters. It is their history and the love triangle that truly drives this plot forward, not the murders. Anyone can write about murdering people, and most people on the OV do. What makes a thread interesting is the motivation and characters.

I think Lilith needs to develop as a character more if you want your readers to be invested in her. The reader got to know ashara very well, and not so much lilith.

The dialogue can be offputting, as the characters sometimes sound like they are speaking in a high-fantasy noble dialect, and sometimes as if in a Tarantino movie.

The main grammatical issue with this thread is run-on sentences.  Commas and periods (and semicolons) are the hardest part of writing, in my opinion. It takes a bit of practice to know when to stop and start,, but when in doubt, read the sentence aloud.

Here is one example of a paragraph with run-on sentences, and an edited version below.
Tyson opens the door placing the container on the table within it three sharingan eyeballs the vampire elder was shocked. He actually did kill the creature proving that the demon was useful to the vampire race but the elder wonders. If this Mangekyo Sharingan does exist could the vampire family race unlock this power from the Uchiha clan but research can be done. It will take some time, Tyson was thinking if this sharingan power was worth it however he'll do his own research upon it.

Tyson opens the door, placing the container on the table within it three sharingan eyeballs. The vampire elder was shocked. He actually did kill the creature, proving that the demon was useful to the vampire race, but the elder wonders. If this Mangekyo Sharingan does exist, could the vampire family race unlock this power from the Uchiha clan? But research can be done. It will take some time. Tyson was thinking if this sharingan power was worth it, however, he'll do his own research upon it.

EDIT: OM added by luci
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Luci...I can't do it any better grammar is one of my major flaws(my problems).....But 280 Whew I'll live with it.
This can't be fixed it always going to be a problem of mine. Your saying like it can be fixed it can't it never will....
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I do believe Clownpiece should be awarded something: It my thread.....But I had to turn her down: Just bummed out
Link to topic: https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10497
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal
Participating characters (please list): Clownpiece or Tyson
Total character count including spaces: Tyson(10,950), Clownpiece(6,971)
Total word count: Tyson(1,938), Clownpiece(1,248)
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(07-12-2018, 11:20 PM)Tyson Renegade Wrote: I do believe Clownpiece should be awarded something: It my thread.....But I had to turn her down: Just bummed out
Link to topic: https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10497
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal
Participating characters (please list): Clownpiece or Tyson
Total character count including spaces: Tyson(none), Clownpiece(6,971)
Total word count: Tyson(none), Clownpiece(1,248)

You're both eligible for a Participation Bonus, please list your word and character count
Reply

(07-12-2018, 11:20 PM)Tyson Renegade Wrote: I do believe Clownpiece should be awarded something: It my thread.....But I had to turn her down: Just bummed out
Link to topic: https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10497
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal
Participating characters (please list): Clownpiece or Tyson
Total character count including spaces: Tyson(10,950), Clownpiece(6,971)
Total word count: Tyson(1,938), Clownpiece(1,248)

I award the Participation Bonus to this thread.

Tyson Renegade Earned OM - 109.5
Clownpeice Earned OM - 69.72


EDIT: OM handled by loosey
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(07-12-2018, 10:16 PM)Tyson Renegade Wrote: Luci...I can't do it any better grammar is one of my major flaws(my problems).....But 280 Whew I'll live with it.
This can't be fixed it always going to be a problem of mine.  Your saying like it can be fixed it can't it never will....

If you need some links to simple guides to improve your grammar, start with the link below and hit me up if you have any questions.

For thread bonuses, focusing on the Punctuation Rules section will get you the quickest progress. Check out Clauses and Phrases as well.

No sense having the attitude that you can't improve. Many writers have come to the OV and in a few months or years, their writing has improved immensely.

You got this, dude.

https://www.grammarbook.com/
[Image: memetrashexclaimationmark.png?width=900&height=604]
Reply

(07-12-2018, 10:16 PM)Tyson Renegade Wrote: Luci...I can't do it any better grammar is one of my major flaws(my problems).....But 280 Whew I'll live with it.
This can't be fixed it always going to be a problem of mine.  Your saying like it can be fixed it can't it never will....

It can be fixed. That's the wonderful thing about this craft, there is always room for improvement. Also, many of us are more than willing to help and the site offers a ton of resources. I haven't checked out Whirda's link, (I'm sure its awesome!) but I always check out this thread when I want to brush up on the basics. I would start here, as it covers the foundation for proper grammar and how to improve. Best of luck and never feel ashamed to ask for help, that's what we're here for, we all want to read kickass stories!

Here is the link!: Prime Reading: Writer's Guide + Character Guide
Dante's Abyss 2015
   GRAND CHAMPION   
[Image: Sasuke_DA_zpsb4vizgxd.png]       
Mark Twain Wrote:
"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug."
Reply

https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10317
Personal/Nexus Fight
Participating characters (please list):
The Vision 1259 words/7820 characters
Spiderman 1256 words/7031 characters
Alexander Blakesley 778 words/4605 characters
Lucas Kellan 197 words/1034 characters
Total character count including spaces (excluding bbcode, images, etcetera. Please do separately for each member if applicable)
Total word count (excluding bbcode, images, etcetera. Please do separately for each member if applicable)
In the end, there will be no one left.
We are no longer innocent.
We are lost from this world.
From home.
We no longer believe in such things.
We only believe in war.

[Image: 3MB85AJ.jpg]
[Image: bHBAiHJ.jpg]
[Image: EQ2Md1h.jpg]
Quote:
PvP FLAG: RED
Please message me before you attack my character or assault my base! Thanks!
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(07-29-2018, 09:01 AM)Alexander Blakesley Wrote: https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10317
Personal/Nexus Fight
Participating characters (please list):
The Vision 1259 words/7820 characters
Spiderman 1256 words/7031 characters
Alexander Blakesley 778 words/4605 characters
Lucas Kellan 197 words/1034 characters
Total character count including spaces (excluding bbcode, images, etcetera. Please do separately for each member if applicable)
Total word count (excluding bbcode, images, etcetera. Please do separately for each member if applicable)

I award the Participation Bonus to all participants. Sorry for the wait.

BONUS OM AWARDED

The Vision 78.2
Spiderman 70.31
Alexander Blakesley 46.05
Lucas Kellan 10.34
Reply

In Westside We Trust
Personal Storyline (I know, I listed the thread as a quest but that was a mistake I made)
Participating characters: Jacket and Luci's NPC - De'ialia
Total character count including spaces: Jacket (93,438) Luci's NPC - De'ialia (9,522)
Total word count: Jacket (16,923) Luci's NPC - De'ialia (1,604)

wordcounter.net was used
[Image: 67857178B013071EE183FE5B7C3D87F4438C6BB8]
[Image: westside.png] 
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Link to topic
Personal Storyline
Participating characters (please list): Orihime Inoue
Total character count including spaces 85290
Total word count 15189

THIS IS MY FIRST ONE! THANK YOU ALL <3
[Image: 2hwmr21.jpg]
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(08-13-2018, 11:12 PM)Jacket Wrote: In Westside We Trust
Personal Storyline (I know, I listed the thread as a quest but that was a mistake I made)
Participating characters: Jacket and Luci's NPC - De'ialia
Total character count including spaces: Jacket (93,438) Luci's NPC - De'ialia (9,522)
Total word count: Jacket (16,923) Luci's NPC - De'ialia (1,604)

wordcounter.net was used

This story was great all around. You are missing some key technical aspects of the writing, but as far as storytelling goes, this was a great read. In fact, the technical aspect of the writing is the only thing preventing me from granting you an Excellent or even an Exemplary bonus. Fix your technical so you can score higher bonuses.

I am granting this an Great 50% Bonus. I am also only granting Participation 50% Bonus on the specific posts that qualify: #7, #9, #11

-Side note: I got different numbers than Jacket on his counts. I got 93,802 characters including spaces and 16,927 words. Tiny difference, but noting it. 

Jacket 
Bonus: Great + Partial Participation (938.02 + 153.63)
OM Earned: 1091.65

Luci
Bonus: Participation
OM Earned: 96.75

-OM will be distributed shortly.

Comments and Critique: 
#1
A big gasp come out of Jacket's mouth from a horrible nightmare he had, making him shot up from his sleep. < A big gasp came out of Jacket's mouth from a horrible nightmare he had, making him shoot up from his sleep.

Be sure to use the proper tense throughout a sentence. 

His stomach growled from the bowels for breakfast, but depression weighed him down.>His stomach growled from the bowl of breakfast, but depression weighed him down.

Bowels is like stomach innards/intestines. Spell check doesn’t account for misspelling when the error is also another word, so just look out for this in the future.  I see it differently now, but the sentence seemed weird for me still. xD

At some time, Jacket had a little courage to summon breakfast but just a simple meal that involved scrambled eggs and a piece of butter toast.< At some time, Jacket had a little courage to summon breakfast, but just a simple meal that involved scrambled eggs and a piece of butter toast.

‘But’ is one of those conjunctions that needs a comma before it appears. It represents a contrary thought to the former, and that needs separation. Similar to this is ‘Because’. Both need commas prior to their use. 

He decided just to see what the action news had to say about Coruscant's recent events. The female news anchor first opened with a story about the members of the growing "Avengers" were recently detained by the EPD from a crime they caused.

I enjoy novelties like this in our stories. Really brings the world together. Nicely done.

The envelope at the door with the meeting place in it was mysterious and intriguing. I liked it.

You roll around in a DeLorean? Of course you do you beautiful man. I love your character hahaha!

I also thought Chirpa the Ewok was interesting.

#2
Luci down is quite a reveal and I liked the Omni talk about death and revival.

Oh Snap. Gang warfare and Jacket has to take the lead. Good premise. -Also, I love Klingons.

Don’t make the Ewok beg! xD

Good post.

#3
Friggin emails amirite? Lol, Sasuke has this problem too. Again, I am a sucker for novelties like this. Good stuff.

Alright, you teased us with a Hulgom Fisteye encounter foreshadow. I’m watching to see if you make good on your promise! 

The Gromflamite bounty hunter scene was well done and there is much hype for this encounter.

#4
The Klingon lair scene was a decent enough post and it moved the plot along nicely. We still have some grammatical errors and the scifi nerd in me would have liked to see you explore more of the Klingon aspect/culture about the place, but, all in all, it was a good post. On to the next post to handle Klingon lightwork!

#5
Batter up. That poor dude with the pipe at the door.

The shootout scene with the Third Street Fangs was good, however, I felt like you could have added more suspense between the back and forth of the actions. I did like the conflict of adding that his cover(desk) wasn’t going to last tho, that added suspense. Nice work with that part.

Aaaaand there’s the shotty. Such Mayhem.

#6
Having these gangsters reload in sequences was a nifty way to increase conflict. Kuddos.

Jacket remained hidden in the darkest corner of the room with his silenced SMG aimed at the doorway. His grasp tightened on the gun with the climax filled his mind. - I just like the way this was worded. 

Reptile tattoo/contact lense snake gang leader dude down. +10 Kool Klingon points. Lol

#7
The Klingon Blood Brothers Pact thing was cool.

Jacket’s a cool character. I like how his Lucy trip/insanity/daydream convo didn’t ruffle his feathers.

#8
Lucy: This post was very well written, very interesting, and very silly. (In a good way) It had a very Southpark-super-crossover feel to it. Points for the uniqueness of this post. Your appearance in this thread is an appreciated perk and an instant fave. ^_^

#9
I like the idea of their being a child gangster running around in Jacket’s likeness, hahahaha!

#10
Lucy: The chess scene about war and strategizing against Jacket’s less scheming personality was nicely down. Deep stuff, not bottom of the ocean level, but it was art all the same and much appreciate. Luci got skillz f’sure.

Ice cream operation solution? Intriguing. Tell me more.

#11
Always just one more task away for the Westside. This arc has a Grand Theft Auto vibe to it. I don’t know your source, but the video game background is there. It’s subtle, but its there.

#12
Batgirl Skywalker’s exit was so extra. I loved it. xD

There is a moment of suspense when Jacket is driving past the Orc Mafia Guard and is being watched. You’re thinking, oh snap, is it going down right now? I liked it.

I also love how realistic all these plans are. Jacket is just like, “Climb the fence. Electric fence? Take out the transformer and then climb the fence.” He doesn’t need powers or magic mumbo jumbo. He’s just gangsta with it.

#13
I liked that you used a Goblin worker/Orc guard argument segwaying into the power outage instead of just jumping right into no power. 

Ice cream truck of crime check. Now you just gotta get it out of there.

#14
I kind of love the Imagery of this dude in a roster mask mowing down orc gangsters in a decked out, militarized ice cream truck. Ridiculous good fun this is. 

The reinforcement Orcs piling up in cars with stockpiles up weapons against a mad crazy Jacket gunning the gas right at them in his death trap, ice cream machine was just maddenly entertaining. Iconic almost. Definitely badass.   

#15
High speed shoot ‘em up chase, nice.

High speed shoot ‘em up chase + James Bond style spike strips and boosters, even better.

High speed shoot ‘em up chase + surviving death defying dare devil car bridge jump while antagonist car exploded, best.

#16
OH SNAP!!! IT COMES FULL CIRCLE!!!! YES!!! NICELY DONE!


Dante's Abyss 2015
   GRAND CHAMPION   
[Image: Sasuke_DA_zpsb4vizgxd.png]       
Mark Twain Wrote:
"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug."
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Personal Storyline: Personal (I screwed up this one)
Participating characters: Tyson
Total character count including spaces: Tyson (51,696)
Total word count: Tyson (9,373)
Link: https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10657
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