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Bonus Request Topic/Quest Turn-in Topic

Two Wrongs
Quest or Personal Storyline: Storyline
Participating characters (please list): Ricter
Total character count including spaces: 113,814 Characters
Total word count: 21,665 Words
Note: Minor inappropriate behavior (should have a mature tag)



Friendly Neighborhood Werewolf here to point out I edited the thread to make it mature.
Ricter CasengerPurchases LogATK: 1 • DEF: 7 • SPD: 3 • TEC: 3
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Under The Cheerful Town
Quest or Personal Storyline: Storyline
Participating characters (please list): Ricter
Total character count including spaces: 296,146 Characters
Total word count: 56,344 Words
Notes: Mature themes
Ricter CasengerPurchases LogATK: 1 • DEF: 7 • SPD: 3 • TEC: 3
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Hawt Damn
Quest or Personal Storyline:
Personal Storyline
Participating characters (please list):
Ash
Total character count including spaces:
63,192 characters
Total word count:
11,652 words
[Image: tumblr_maolcpnQS61qakj1do1_500.gif]

Warning: Anything that involves Ash should be rated M. Possibly higher.

Erik Vrell: Ash has a 'love' fourth dimensional shape//As in its wide and unfathomable for us mere mortals

Centurion/Venom: Look, Lassie, you and your overrated succubus are gonna get stomped so hard Ash's morality is gonna mirror back again.
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On phone. Will grade both Ricter's Threads.

*claims*
[Image: source.gif]
"Centurion: I'll leave you to your work then Dust. Thanks for chatting!
Me: no problem. stay awesome!
Centurion: It's more of a passive ability"
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THAT BINDS TOGETHER THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH
Topic:  https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php...8#pid55488

For this sequence of posts I award… GREAT +50%
ORIHIME BONUS OM RECEIVED:  806.92

First off, I want to say it’s amazing how far you’ve come since this first post. You’ve been putting out great writing of late, so take the following critique with a grain of salt.

Mechanics:  For the majority of the posts, up until the two year time gap, you consistently struggled with sentence and paragraph structure. Ignoring the formatting errors, which I was told was just from transferring the story over from a different site, there were several instances of improper thought and speech placement. That coupled with a large amount of paragraphs filled with short sentences made the beginning hard to read at times.

Plot/Pacing:  Excellently done. It was clear from the beginning you had a plan and knew what you wanted to accomplish, and kept up a solid pace to keep the readed going. In addition, the section where Ori was pulled into the graveyardverse truly kept me guessing. I could feel the people’s panic over her strange disappearance and, seeing as I wasn’t around during that particular event, it left me wondering what had happened.

Characterization:  This one, I’m not too keen on. While I could see what the individual’s personalities were as well as their motives, it often felt forced. The biggest instance of this was Zabajin’s meeting with The Seer. Aside from Ori being a prize, I truly saw no reason that he would have been this upset over her disappearance, especially after months/years had already gone by.

Aesthetic/Creativity:  Once more, Excellently done. Even in the earliest of the posts, you were great in your description. Not too much, far from too little. You were able to pull me into the camp, into Ori’s shoes with relative ease several times over.

Final Comments:  Even before the two year break on this thread, I could see your writing improving with each post. After the skip… Well, it was significant. Of the things that improved, most impressive was your grasp of sentence structure. However, your paragraph structure, namely when dealing with thoughts and speech, could still use a bit of work.

Overall, your plot and storytelling were your strongest features during this thread, pulling me along and keeping me chasing the next scene. To put it simply (staff), the story was enough to let me overlook most of the errors made, thus earning you your bonus.

Excellent work. I’m looking forward to your continued growth and future stories.




Edit: Awarded!!! -Dust
In battle it is important to keep a sharp blade

But it is by far more important to keep a sharp mind.
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Link to topics:
https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10845
https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=9919

Must read: Desman's paying to understand what's going on in the NPC Thread with Damas, Para, Ashelin and Sig.

Quest or Personal Storyline? Storyline
Participating characters (please list): Jak Mar, Rick (He's MIA), NPCs Sig, Ashelin and Damas.
Total character count including spaces (excluding bbcode, images, etcetera. Please do separately for each member if applicable)9706
Total word count (excluding bbcode, images, etcetera. Please do separately for each member if applicable)1839
[Image: oNAS6Nu.png]


[Image: Darkdata.png]Jak/Mar- Dynamite Kid/ DA 2018" (Translated text)[Image: hVDTXBF.gif](Thanks Ezzy!)

The Infamous Dynamite Kid- Sasuke

DA 15
DA 16'
DA 17'
DA 18' 
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Let Sleeping Dogs Lie
Quest or Personal Storyline?
Personal
Participating characters (please list):
Azrael
Little Rose
Total character count including spaces
Azrael
22,196 characters
Little Rose
27,813 characters
Total word count
Azrael
3,922 words
Little Rose
4,968 words
ATTENTION: Lilith and Evan are
manifestations of Rose's broken
mind, please do not respond to
them unless you have Telepathy.

Base Stats:
Atk 4
Def 5
Spd 1
Tec 0
[Image: 6EAE58367061BD66264BC0B456C8D7BD3F2D9658]
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(12-09-2018, 05:51 AM)Ash Wrote: Hawt Damn
Quest or Personal Storyline: 
Personal Storyline
Participating characters (please list): 
Ash
Total character count including spaces: 
63,192 characters
Total word count: 
11,652 words
This story was great all around. You have some technical and voice aspects of the writing that need some tweaking, but as far as storytelling goes, this was a great read. 

Bonus: Great
OM Earned: 631.92

Feedback
Be careful not to be repetitive, because I felt like at points you said the same thing over again, just in different ways. The dragon thing was awesome! Although I got a little lost on how we got here? It’s kind of left on the reader to assume that, perhaps Karl jak’s teleporters malfunctioned, and that’s how you got dropped in some random cave, but a little more clarity would have helped this scene. With that said, this scene was great and I appreciated how we got into action right away.

Make sure to look out for technical errors like, using ‘tiers’ instead of ‘tears’ and using ‘lesson’ instead of ‘lesion’, because spell check won’t catch this, so it’s on you in the proofreading.
I think you did a really good job describing the dragon, and I think you made this encounter with the dragon interesting, just look out in technical.

I like the story and conflict with the dragon monster and you had the reader on the edge of their seat waiting to see what happens next. My only critique here is you tend to get repetitive. Trust in your ability to express something and your reader to comprehend it, because less is more. There’s an old adage, “Anything you can cut, you should cut.”

When it comes to sex appeal, sometimes, less is more. It helps if its used as a nice subtle element to the story, not a focus, or an integral part of the story.  

I loved the use of the word “fixity” I think it was well placed and it made your story more enjoyable for me to read. Scores well in voice.

I personally loved that you talked about how Gold is useless to primes on the Omniverse. I feel like most of the primes in the Omniverse feel that way, and don’t really point that out. The fact that you did so here with the dragon’s gold was really relatable and I enjoyed that.

I particularly liked the nightmare scene in the first few paragraphs, it was very enjoyable to read.
Dante's Abyss 2015
   GRAND CHAMPION   
[Image: Sasuke_DA_zpsb4vizgxd.png]       
Mark Twain Wrote:"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug."
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https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10785
Personal
Participating characters (please list):
Orihime Inoue 2518 words/14054 characters
Haseo 1636 words/8472 characters
Alexander Blakesley 4252 words/24609 characters
Total character count including spaces (excluding bbcode, images, etcetera. Please do separately for each member if applicable)
Total word count (excluding bbcode, images, etcetera. Please do separately for each member if applicable)
In the end, there will be no one left.
We are no longer innocent.
We are lost from this world.
From home.
We no longer believe in such things.
We only believe in war.

[Image: 3MB85AJ.jpg]
[Image: bHBAiHJ.jpg]
[Image: EQ2Md1h.jpg]
Quote:
PvP FLAG: RED
Please message me before you attack my character or assault my base! Thanks!
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Link to topic https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10896
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal
Participating characters (please list): Marisa Kirisame
Total character count including spaces: 18,391 Characters
Total word count 3442 words
Feedback would be appreciated as well.
                                            [Image: tenor.gif?itemid=10243242]
"While shooting concentrate your mind, gently muttering the spell to the Mini-Hakkero. Aiming at someone you don't like, a magicannon of love will be unleashed!"
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Quest or Personal Storyline: Storyline
Link: https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10967
Participating characters (please list): Tyson
Total character count including spaces: 22,518 Characters
Total word count: 4,111 Words
Note:
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For the series of these post, I award this thread with the Great Bonus. (Great 50%) 

Mechanics: Really good for the most part there were however a few spelling errors of Rose’s part but I feel like that was just the occasional slip-up. Consistently with your posts Azrael you would have a paragraph and Dialogue would be inside of it. I would suggest making a paragraph specifically for dialogue to help the reader read it. 

Plotting/Pacing: Very well done, it was clear from start to beginning and the dialogue was just plain great. I’m not gonna lie the whole time reading it I was trapped in a state of guessing what was going to happen next. I also love the excellent wording and descriptions used.

Characterization: Truly everyone in that thread had different personalities and they were very distinguishable. No joke that can be a very hard thing to do in writing, so props for that accomplishment. 

Aesthetic/Creativity: Y’all truly did great with what you were given in the Nexus and make it work. Great descriptions for each character and you two were definitely able to paint a picture with how your characters looked, said, or did in the thread.   

Final Comments: Superb work you two, I really want to see more from you both. I also hope to see y’all in the monthly accolades in the coming months.  

[/url]

Mechanics: It was decent however Marisa’s posts had several runs on sentences and was missing a few commas. This interrupted the flow of reading as some points. I also suggest adding more details and imagery of the surrounding areas in the thread, there were several times in the thread where I was asking myself, where is Marisa? What room is she in? And what does this hallway look like?

Plotting/Pacing: Done pretty well, I did, however, feel like the thread was moving way to fast at some points. 

Characterization: Everyone was pretty good, I did feel like Marisa fell a little flat but that could be because of a lack of knowledge of the character.   

Aesthetic/Creativity: I could definitely feel that the building was an Imperial base but in most of Marisa’s post there wasn’t a whole lot of imagery that showed what the building looked like from the inside. 

Final Comments: Good work storytellers I definitely like how this base adds to the lore. Marisa your series of posts clearly show that you’ve improved a lot from when you were writing as Chara two years back, keep writing and keep doing good. Overall not a bad thread congrats to you all.     
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A Quest to Return Home
Topic:  https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10785

Alexander Blakesley

For this sequence of posts, I award... Great! +50%
Added onto your participation bonus you receive a total of 462.82 OM

Gonna start this off with, this is the first I've read of your work. I was happily surprised by the level of skill you bring to the table.

First and foremost, you have an excellent knack of drawing me into your character. There is more than enough attention to detail that Alex truly feels like a soldier who has been through a good bit of combat. From the patience displayed in your first post to the strange confusion from the second post, you had me hitched on the story. Unfortunately, that quality slipped a bit on your last post leaving me slightly disappointed. Even so, you have done very well on this thread and I would be happy to write with you someday. 

If you'd like more, I would happily discuss things in greater detail. My PMs are always open.
In battle it is important to keep a sharp blade

But it is by far more important to keep a sharp mind.
Reply

Quest or Personal Storyline:Quest/Storyline
Link:https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10644&pid=144193#pid144193 - The past Unbound
Participating characters (please list): Jak Mar, Dante (NPC)
Total character count including spaces: 61,844
Total word count: 11615 words between Me and Dante- Jak 4719- Characters with spaces- 25218 / Retane 6759- Characters with spaces- 35969
Note : M for other joke.
[Image: oNAS6Nu.png]


[Image: Darkdata.png]Jak/Mar- Dynamite Kid/ DA 2018" (Translated text)[Image: hVDTXBF.gif](Thanks Ezzy!)

The Infamous Dynamite Kid- Sasuke

DA 15
DA 16'
DA 17'
DA 18' 
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